


Vulnerable

by groofey



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Alec Lightwood Loves Magnus Bane, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Time, Fluff, Insecure Alec Lightwood, Insecure Magnus Bane, M/M, Magnus Bane Deserves Nice Things, Magnus Bane's Cat Eyes, POV Alec Lightwood, POV Magnus Bane, Shadowhunter Alec Lightwood, Vulnerable Alec Lightwood, Vulnerable Magnus Bane, Warlock Magnus Bane
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-30
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:40:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27804712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/groofey/pseuds/groofey
Summary: Alec and Magnus's first night together doesn't go quite as planned, as Magnus loses control of the magic that hides his demonmark.Chapter 1 - Alec's POVChapter 2 - Magnus's POV
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 6
Kudos: 127





	1. Chapter 1 - Alec

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec's view of their first night together

Alec knew what he wanted, and he was nearly certain he knew how to get it.

Alec wanted Magnus. He had spent the last few days thinking about how to go about it, and after his talk with Izzy earlier that day, he finally felt he was ready.

Yes, he was still nervous - more so than he'd like to admit, but he was sure if he could hide it - cover it with a confident facade, the results would be in his favor.

As he entered the apartment and Magnus confirmed that they were actually alone, Alec put his plan into motion, catching his boyfriend off guard with the suddenness of his kisses.

What Alec hadn't counted on was Magnus holding up the show - talking about possibly losing him if they rushed this. "What? Why would you think that?" Alec had asked. In Alec's mind, the idea of walking away from Magnus was unfathomable - nothing could cause him to do so - certainly not spending the night together.

So, as Magnus made one more attempt to explain that he was feeling vulnerable, Alec decided it would be better to just show the Warlock how much he meant to Alec, rather than continue to discuss it.

As Alec maneuvered the two of them into the bedroom, reassuring Magnus how much he wanted this, he was pleased when his partner became more responsive. Through kisses and a few giggles and the removal of some clothing (including Alec's own shirt), things were headed in the right direction.

As they fell to the bed, Alec caught Magnus in his arms and landed comfortable beneath him.

"That was graceful." Magnus said, impressed.

"Shadowhunter." Alec answered as he reached up with both hands to cup Magnus's face and go in for another kiss. _No more talking - just this - just you!_ Alec thought.

By the Angel it felt good to have Magnus with him. All of his nerve endings were on high alert as he felt Magnus against the naked skin of his chest. And it just made Alec want more. He reached for the edge of Magnus's shirt and started pulling it upward, ready to remove the barrier that was between them.

And then in a flash, Magnus was gone. Well, gone as in no longer touching Alec. No longer kissing him, no longer participating.

In fact, the Warlock was sitting on the edge of the bed with his back to Alec pulling his shirt back into place. His head was down and he was breathing hard.

Alec's confidence shattered. Magnus knew how this worked. He had done this so many times over. There was only one reason Alec could think of that would cause him to suddenly pull away. As the silence lingered, Alec couldn't help but voice his greatest fear at that moment.

"Am I doing something wrong?"

Magnus let out a shaky breathe, "No such thing." he answered.

Well, now Alec was unsure and confused - if it wasn't him persay, then what was the problem? Alec's mind went back to the entryway of the apartment - Magnus had hesitated, Alec had pushed. Not forced, but probably pushed more than he should have. He hadn't intentionally done so - it was the only way he felt he could keep his nerves at bay. But, did he miss something that should have told him Magnus wasn't interested in this tonight?

"Do you not want to?" Alec asked, hoping his voice sounded steadier than he felt.

"No." Magnus answered. But before Alec could process what that meant, Magnus was talking again. "I mean yes! Of course I do!"

Magnus' tone of voice was enough to finally pull Alec out of his own stupor and to make him really look at his boyfriend. Magnus sounded overwhelmed. His breathing was harsh. His head was down and he wouldn't look at Alec at all.

" _You're not the only one who feels vulnerable._ " Magnus' statement from earlier echoed in Alec's ears. _Vulnerable_. That was the only word that could describe how Magnus appeared, and it made Alec's stomach turn over. He had brushed off Magnus's feelings earlier, but he couldn't ignore them now.

Sitting up, Alec reached out and put a hand on Magnus's shoulder. Magnus was tense, but didn't shrug him off.

"Magnus…...what is it?" Alec didn't even try to hide the concern in his voice at this point - something was wrong with Magnus, and Alec would give anything in the world to make it right.

Beside him, Magnus took a deep breath. "It's just…...sometimes….I lose control….." Slowly, he turned toward Alec and raised his eyes to meet those of the Shadowhunter.

Magnus' eyes had turned golden brown, glowing, revealing the demonmark that was part of his identity as a downworlder.

Alec looked right back into those eyes, and, much like when Magnus appeared at his would-be wedding, he found he couldn't breathe. Alec knew in a second he would be perfectly happy to stare into those eyes for the rest of eternity. They were gorgeous!

Except, they were clouded with doubt and uncertainty. There was a shadow of fear within them, clearly expecting a negative reaction. _Vulnerable_

Alec let out a short breath as he realized that he could, in fact, breathe again. He changed positions enough that he could reach out a hand towards his boyfriend.

"Magnus….they're beautiful!" he said, still awestruck, as he reached to hold the other man's cheek. "You're beautiful!"

As he let his words sink in, Alec let himself get lost in Magnus's eyes. He realized this was a part of Magnus that so few people got to see, that he wanted the memory to last. He wanted to be able to recall at a moment's notice the exact color and shape of Magnus's eyes without his magic in the way.

As the seconds ticked by, Alec saw Magnus's eyes begin to fill with new emotions. There was no longer fear or doubt (thank the angel!), but trust and…..and…...something much stronger. Something that Alec was also sure was within himself, but he wasn't ready to explore just yet.

Magnus brought his hand up to rest against Alec's, which was still gently holding his cheek. He leaned forward, and Alec was more than happy to meet him halfway.

Alec had been sure that the kisses they had shared earlier that evening were the best he'd ever experienced, but nothing compared to this. It wasn't rushed, it wasn't desperate, but it was raw emotion shared between the two of them. In that kiss, Alec knew there would be no one else for him. Magnus was it.

As the kiss continued, the desire and want that had been present earlier in the evening began to resurface as well, but Alec held back. His entire focus was on Magnus and making sure he was comfortable and okay. Alec never wanted to see the person he cared about most be so full of doubt - especially with him.

Mangus ended the kiss and pulled back just enough to look Alec in the eyes. "Alexander." he said. His voice was soft, but confident - a complete change from the last time he had spoken.

"I spoke the truth before when I said that you did nothing wrong, and that I want to be with you. The fact that I lost control to this point is a testament to how amazing you make me feel - and how I can think of nothing else other than how much I want you."

Alec's heart raced - Magnus's magic had slipped because he was enjoying himself - with Alec. Alec, inexperienced though he was, had turned Magnus on so much that even his own magic took a back seat to his need for Alec. His confidence soared back and his desire for the Warlock spurred him to immediate action.

He launched himself at Magnus and pushed him to the bed, reaching for, touching, kissing and relishing in every part of him he had access to.

Alec grunted in frustration though, as he realized how limited that access was, as Magnus was still, for all intents and purposes fully clothed. Alec wasn't sure how to handle this, as he was reluctant to separate himself from Magnus even for a bit.

Alec heard the snap of Magnus's fingers, and suddenly, the barrier of Magnus' shirt had disappeared. This surprise made Alec pull back and look at Magnus. "That was convenient." he managed to say. Magnus just gave him a mischievous smile. "Warlock." he said.

Alec couldn't help but laugh before Magnus met him with another kiss. Alec moaned as skin met skin, with the promise of more to come.

Hours later, Alec looked down at Magnus' head resting against his chest. He already missed those "cat eyes" that were closed in slumber. But if he had his way, he'd be seeing them a lot in the future.


	2. Chapter 2 - Magnus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus's view of their first night together

He had hesitated at first.

Alec had come in through the door and, as soon as he confirmed they were alone, he had pounced, ready to take the "next step". Magnus wanted to - without question, but the lingering memories of abrupt endings within his 17,000 made him cautious. The last thing he wanted to do was lose Alexander - whether to miscommunication, unmet expectations, getting too serious too soon, or something else.

As he tried to express this, Alec seemingly couldn't fathom the idea that being intimate could drive him away. His confidence allowed Magnus to push his insecurities aside enough to let his desire take over.

As they stumbled into the bedroom, haphazardly removing clothing and shoes and trying not to fall over in the process, the giddiness and excitement between the two men was palpable. As they finally did fall to the bed, Alec seemed to twist mid air so they landed softly, perfectly positioned with Magnus sprawled out over him.

"That was graceful." Magnus couldn't help but comment.

"Shadowhunter." Alec explained breathlessly before going in for another kiss.

Alec's shirt had come off on the trip to the bed, and Magnus relished the freedom to explore the skin he had dreamed of touching since the day he walked in on Alec training shirtless at the institute. (He wasn't kidding when he had said that he liked what he saw.)

As he felt Alec's hands work to remove his own shirt, Mangus couldn't help but get lost in the feeling.

He realized how far gone he was a moment too late.

As soon his magic slipped, Magnus pinched his eyes closed and immediately pulled away. He re-adjusted his shirt as he sat on the edge of the bed, trying in vain to steady his breathing, mentally cursing himself for allowing this to happen.

His guilt compounded as he heard Alec behind him, innocently asking if he was doing something wrong.

 _Oh, Alexander…...if you only knew. Magnus_ thought. He let out a shaky chuckle. "No such thing….."

After a brief pause, Alec asked, "Do you not want to?"

"No." Magnus answered without thinking. Horrified at how that must have sounded, he quickly tried again. "I mean yes! Of course I do!"

Good grief! Could he possibly mess this up any more? The last thing he wanted was for Alexander to question his desire for the Shadowhunter. Meanwhile, none of this was helping him get himself back under control to fix the issue at hand.

Magnus felt the bed shift just before Alec's hand came to rest lightly on his shoulder.

"Magnus…...what is it?" The concern was obvious in Alec's voice.

Magnus took a deep breath to steady himself - to brace himself for what he was about to do. "It's just…..sometimes…..I lose control…." he said as he slowly turned toward Alec, revealing his glowing eyes, an obvious reminder of his demon side.

As he turned, Mangus waited for the reaction he had received time and time again in the past - the look of disgust, or the awkward excuse about why tonight was no longer a good time, followed by the hasty exit out the door, sealing the end of the relationship.

Magnus was contemplating how he would survive watching Alec walk away, when the man in front of him shifted his weight to move closer to Magnus.

"Magnus….." Alec said as he repositioned himself and reached a hand to gently cup his face. "They're beautiful! You're beautiful!"

Magnus just stared at first, unable to believe what he had just heard. No one had ever called his eyes (or himself for that matter) beautiful. The partners that hadn't outright rejected him had always requested that he keep them hidden. (This always ended that particular moment of intimacy and made future attempts stressful, as Magnus would be on edge that he would mess it up.)

But as Alexander's own awe-filled eyes and soft smile continued to look back at him, patiently waiting for him to accept the truth, Magnus finally felt his heart do something it hadn't done in centuries - trust. Magnus reached up to his cheek to cover Alec's hand with his own.

 _Alexander…...how can you be so…...so…...wonderful!_ Magnus thought. _I certainly don't deserve you, but I will do my best to love you the way you deserve to be loved!_

Magnus had known for a while now that he was completely, hopelessly in love with Alexander, and those feelings had just multiplied a thousand times over. But THAT revelation would wait for another day - when Alec was ready.

Magnus leaned in toward Alec, who responded immediately and met him in a kiss.

This kiss was different from any of the frenzied, passionate kisses they had shared earlier. This one was tender, heartfelt, and full of emotion. Full of promise, trust and commitment.

As the kiss continued, Magnus could tell that something was different - Alec was no longer the eager, confident partner Magnus had fallen into bed with. He was unsure, careful and hesitant.

Magnus softly broke the kiss and looked at his soon to be lover.

"Alexander. I spoke the truth before when I said that you did nothing wrong, and that I want to be with you. The fact that I lost control to this point is a testament to how amazing you make me feel - and how I can think of nothing else other than how much I want you."

Magnus barely had time to relish in the fire that re-lit in Alec's eyes before he found himself flat on his back with the Shadowhunter on top of him, devouring every part of him that Alec could reach.

It quickly became apparent to both men that Magnus was still nearly fully clothed. As Alec attempted to remedy the problem (somewhat clumsily, given their position), Magnus quickly snapped his fingers, instantly vanishing his shirt.

Alec, a bit startled, put enough space between himself and Magnus to look directly at him. "That was convenient," he said. Magnus raised his eyebrows. "Warlock" he answered with a smile.

Alec laughed before continuing his exploration of the newly exposed skin.

It wasn't until hours later, as Magnus' head lay on Alec's chest,that he realized that his magic had fallen back in place. He smiled to himself, already looking forward to the next time he could freely allow his true eyes to shine.


End file.
